I love noting the passing of the seasons with a walk along the Hikichigawa. Chris and I drove to Yokosuka yesterday for an ultrasound to check for fluid on the baby’s kidneys. Chris needed to check stuff at work before coming home, so I opted to save him some time and walk the kilometer home along the river. I’ve walked this path so many times—sometimes with Chris, sometimes with friends or family, mostly alone.
When it first occurred to me two years ago to have kids someday, I thought maybe it’d be fun to walk this route with a baby. Now it looks like the bean (who is already a hefty four pounds, by the way) will arrive just in time for the sakura trees to turn scarlet. I stood on the bridge where I always take a photo and looked down at the water rushing past, feeling the minutes slip by. One month ago I returned to Japan; the baby’s due in two months. Today is my last day of work at Ichiban Collectibles. 
Half the time I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff knowing everything is about to change as I go from a solo international traveler-merchandise buyer-journalist-housewife to Stateside-homeowner-baby-haver-housewife. Maybe that’s the real reason they teach you all these relaxation and breathing techniques for having babies.
Half the time I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff knowing everything is about to change as I go from a solo international traveler-merchandise buyer-journalist-housewife to Stateside-homeowner-baby-haver-housewife. Maybe that’s the real reason they teach you all these relaxation and breathing techniques for having babies. I tend to get a little fearful before we move, probably because of all the uncertainty and changes: continent, home, friends, church, time zone, Chris’ job, my job, having lots to do, having less to do, etc etc. Tottering…cliff…sensation…deep…breath…. Or who knows, maybe the panic is just that in addition to waking up to sleepwalk to the bathroom, we also get jolted awake by middle-of-the-night earthquakes every couple of weeks. That’ll interrupt your sleep.
So I was feeling the icy fingers of a deep chasm of panic drift up around me a couple weeks ago and the next morning at Life Chapel International Pastor Paul preached about Peter walking to Christ across the stormy sea, reminding us to focus on Christ amidst out-of-control circumstances and uncertainties.
Then this week guest speaker Keitaro-san spoke about Joshua taking leadership from Moses (and leading the Israelites to a new home). Be brave in the aftermath of Japan’s triple disasters, he said. Joshua is already brave and strong; still, God exhorts him three times in one chapter to be strong and courageous. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).”
Chris found out shortly before our third anniversary that he would be deploying for a small eternity. He gave me a necklace with the word ‘fearless’ in Sanskrit and English, saying, “Uh, sorry to leave you in Asia all alone…be brave!” Looks like I’ll be wearing it today!