Overwhelm the Waves

I pull the stroller over around the halfway point of my and Eloise’s morning jogging loop to collect some of the fresh plumeria and hibiscus blossoms blowing around the gutters. Sometimes Eloise helps. We collect armfuls of flowers—slightly browned around the edges and fading—and load them into the stroller. At the end of our loop we take the first beach access lane to some cement steps. By the end of the jog I’ve had a chance to think about anything that’s bothering me. At the bottom of the steps, with black crabs skittering around my feet and the tide spilling over the barrier, I assign each anxiety a flower, pray about it, and toss it to the waves.

Some days we toss a few. Some days the flowers cover the water. But my worries can never overwhelm the waves. Some days they wash back to me, and I can choose to pick up and carry around a sandy, dying mess of petals, or I can throw them back to the waves again. No matter how many flowers dot the water, the waves soon wash them away. What seemed like more than I could carry is dissipated and diluted by wave after wave, until none remain.

“Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Surprise: I am a huge hypocrite. For years—YEARS—I’ve been all, “Ick, I don’t run. Running is the worst.” Then I realized that the loop I mosey with Eloise after kindergarten drop off in the morning took one-third the time if we jogged. This started slowly at first, when we jogged down a hill and Eloise said, “WHEEEEE! Faster, Mommy!” That led to jogging a little further, which led to jogging half the loop, which led to jogging up hills too. And step by step it got easier, and little by little I found myself looking forward to that moment when we crest the hill and begin to speed up. I love listening to Hamilton and Les Mis or island reggae together while Eloise unpacks her breakfast and points stuff out to me and waves at the retired people power-walking the opposite direction. They love it when she wears her sunglasses with her paci.

And here’s the moment when I realized I actually WANTED to jog: I stopped feeling overwhelmed the rest of the day. The day-to-day frazzled feeling I’ve had since…having kids…?? started to disappear. Even thinking about running out loop under swaying palms, past fragrant tropical flower and narrow beach access lanes that open onto jade seas and offshore isles is like a pressure release valve. This is new for me. I know exercise is proven to have these nice effects, but until recently…well you know the drill—little kids, moving, health issues, bad weather, and deployments can make it hard. Blah blah blah boring.

Anyway, maybe it’s the caffeine and exercise buzz, maybe it’s the flower-tossing, maybe it’s the END OF DEPLOYMENT THIS WEEK, but man, we are feeling STRONG AND GOOD.

If you, too, would like to jog slowly, sing badly, and send your worries out with the tide, you may join us at 8am on the loop!